1
00:01:11,057 --> 00:01:15,597
The party dress my mom
made for my sister, Bernice...
2
00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:19,371
had three more petticoats
than mine did.
3
00:01:19,432 --> 00:01:23,039
- Mm-hmm.
- Now, wait a minute.
4
00:01:23,103 --> 00:01:26,550
Make that four
more petticoats.
5
00:01:26,606 --> 00:01:28,517
Four more petticoats.
6
00:01:28,575 --> 00:01:30,987
And I was as mad...
7
00:01:31,044 --> 00:01:34,753
as a snake that married
the garden hose.
8
00:01:36,283 --> 00:01:39,890
[Clears Throat] Now, when did
this party dress thing happen?
9
00:01:39,953 --> 00:01:44,424
Well, it was 66 years...
10
00:01:44,491 --> 00:01:47,199
the 14th ofjune...
11
00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:49,206
late in the morning.
12
00:01:51,064 --> 00:01:53,670
Are you sure your mother
always favored Bernice?
13
00:01:53,733 --> 00:01:56,680
Are you kidding?
She still does.
14
00:01:57,771 --> 00:02:01,184
It's a classic case
of sibling rivalry.
15
00:02:01,241 --> 00:02:03,653
At your age, an important thing
is to think about...
16
00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:06,714
how to live a more
fully rewarding life.
17
00:02:06,780 --> 00:02:12,389
I know, but I don't wanna
live it all screwed up.
18
00:02:13,820 --> 00:02:15,959
Well, I'm, uh-
I'm afraid our time is up.
19
00:02:16,022 --> 00:02:18,059
We'll talk more
about this next time.
20
00:02:18,124 --> 00:02:20,695
Well, I do think we've made
some kind of a breakthrough...
21
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,967
because I sure
feel drained.
22
00:02:23,029 --> 00:02:25,873
Yeah, me- me too.
23
00:02:25,932 --> 00:02:27,878
[Elevator Dings]
24
00:02:29,703 --> 00:02:32,115
Hold that elevator,
will ya, kid?
25
00:02:34,474 --> 00:02:36,420
I'll, uh-
I'll get it, Mrs. Loomis.
26
00:02:36,476 --> 00:02:38,547
We'll see you next week,
this same time.
27
00:02:38,612 --> 00:02:41,092
Right.
And thank you so much...
28
00:02:41,147 --> 00:02:43,627
for helping me
get my act together.
29
00:02:46,319 --> 00:02:48,458
Bob, do you want me
to call Mrs. Loomis a cab?
30
00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,558
Uh, no, it won't
be necessary. She, uh-
31
00:02:50,624 --> 00:02:52,763
- She rode her bike.
- [ Rings]
32
00:02:52,826 --> 00:02:56,273
Dr. Hartley.
Oh, hi, Mr. Carlin.
33
00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:58,707
Surejusta minute.
Uh, Mr. Carlin...
34
00:02:58,765 --> 00:03:01,075
wants to buy a shag rug,
but he's afraid.
35
00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:02,943
Afraid of what?
36
00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:05,779
That it might
cover his eyes.
37
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,615
Oh, that-
that kind of rug.
38
00:03:09,576 --> 00:03:11,249
I'll talk to him.
39
00:03:14,714 --> 00:03:16,785
- Hey, hLJer.
- Hi, Carol.
40
00:03:16,850 --> 00:03:19,387
- How was lunch?
- Worst lunch I ever had.
41
00:03:19,452 --> 00:03:21,989
Jerry, I thought you left here
with a terrific-looking lady.
42
00:03:22,055 --> 00:03:24,092
That was no lady.
That was my stockbroker.
43
00:03:24,157 --> 00:03:27,434
[Chuckles] She told me
I was practically wiped out...
44
00:03:27,494 --> 00:03:29,667
then she made me pick up
the lunch check.
45
00:03:29,729 --> 00:03:32,107
Oh,jer,
that's awful.
46
00:03:32,165 --> 00:03:34,475
Look at this. Eight and a half.
You know what I paid for it?
47
00:03:34,534 --> 00:03:38,539
Forty!
Liberty Flush Valve.
48
00:03:38,605 --> 00:03:40,551
America's gotta have
flush valves.
49
00:03:40,607 --> 00:03:42,553
I would think so.
50
00:03:42,609 --> 00:03:45,055
Now more than ever.
51
00:03:45,111 --> 00:03:48,718
I'm going to my office.
Tell, uh, Bob I want to see him, will ya?
52
00:03:48,782 --> 00:03:51,228
SureJer.
Oh, listen...
53
00:03:51,284 --> 00:03:54,527
I'm really sorry that Liberty Flush Valve
went down the tubes.
54
00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:58,568
Funny, Carol.
Really funny.
55
00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:01,037
Oh, come on. Hey,jer,
I didn't mean it that way.
56
00:04:01,094 --> 00:04:03,836
But it is kinda funny.
57
00:04:05,165 --> 00:04:08,408
Oh, listen, Bob,
jerry wants to see you right away.
58
00:04:08,468 --> 00:04:11,347
Uh, the bottom, as it were,
dropped out of his stocks...
59
00:04:11,404 --> 00:04:13,782
- and he's real depressed.
- Oh.
60
00:04:15,108 --> 00:04:17,179
Oh, uh, remind me.
I have to meet Mr. Carlin...
61
00:04:17,243 --> 00:04:19,189
at 3:00
at Mr. Hairpiece.
62
00:04:19,245 --> 00:04:21,191
We're gonna
look at swatches.
63
00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:26,456
- [Knocking]
- Come in.
64
00:04:29,122 --> 00:04:31,830
-j-jerry, you all right?
- Lend me 1,200 bucks.
65
00:04:33,259 --> 00:04:35,239
Uh, things are
that bad, huh?
66
00:04:35,295 --> 00:04:37,673
I gotta buy a motorcycle.
67
00:04:37,731 --> 00:04:40,337
Jerry, you not only
have depression...
68
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,380
you've taken leave
of your senses.
69
00:04:42,435 --> 00:04:45,746
No, I haven't, Bob.
I need a motorcycle to make me happy.
70
00:04:45,805 --> 00:04:48,581
I mean, I need a big, expensive toy.
Something I really can't afford...
71
00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:50,587
and somethin' that, uh,
I don't really need.
72
00:04:50,643 --> 00:04:53,351
Well, buy two of them.
Be twice as happy.
73
00:04:54,714 --> 00:04:57,627
Here it is, Bob.
Take a look at that baby.
74
00:04:57,684 --> 00:04:59,664
Miss November.
Victoriajugman.
75
00:04:59,719 --> 00:05:03,257
No. No. It's what
Victoria's sitting on.
76
00:05:03,323 --> 00:05:06,429
Oh, it's a- It's a real nice
motorcyclejer, but-
77
00:05:06,493 --> 00:05:08,700
-I mean, $1,200-
- No, we better make it 13.
78
00:05:08,762 --> 00:05:12,801
You know, tax, license,
helmet, gloves, a scarf.
79
00:05:12,866 --> 00:05:14,971
You- You gonna
let me have the dough?
80
00:05:15,035 --> 00:05:18,608
GeeJerry, you should have
caught me before lunch.
81
00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:21,709
- I'm serious, Bob.
- I know you are, and I am too.
82
00:05:21,775 --> 00:05:24,119
UhJerry, don't they-
don't they finance those things?
83
00:05:24,177 --> 00:05:26,885
[Laughs] Sure. If you're gonna
pay 15, 2O percent.
84
00:05:26,946 --> 00:05:29,552
I'm no patsy, Bob.
Besides, I like the feeling you get...
85
00:05:29,616 --> 00:05:32,597
when you walk into a place and slap
the money right down on the table.
86
00:05:32,652 --> 00:05:35,292
N-No matter
whose money it is.
87
00:05:35,355 --> 00:05:39,326
I get it. You're worried
about your money.
88
00:05:39,392 --> 00:05:41,838
Well, it is $1,300,jerry.
89
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:45,104
1,400, Bob. I'm gonna
get competition tires.
90
00:05:45,165 --> 00:05:46,974
Why not
shoot the works?
91
00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:50,071
And you can use it whenever you want, Bob.
You're gonna have a ball.
92
00:05:50,136 --> 00:05:52,673
You know, you just twist the accelerator,
and let 'er rip.
93
00:05:52,739 --> 00:05:54,685
Vrrrr!
There you are...
94
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:56,687
roaring down the Dan Ryan
Expressway, Bob...
95
00:05:56,743 --> 00:05:58,689
the wind whistling
through your helmet...
96
00:05:58,745 --> 00:06:00,850
your tattoo blazing
in the sunlight...
97
00:06:00,914 --> 00:06:03,554
your old lady hanging on
behind you for clear life.
98
00:06:03,616 --> 00:06:05,857
- Bob, can you see it?
-j-jerry...
99
00:06:05,919 --> 00:06:08,490
all I can see is bugs
bouncing off my teeth.
100
00:06:10,190 --> 00:06:12,192
Okay, you don't have to
ride it, but, uh...
101
00:06:12,258 --> 00:06:15,034
-you gonna lend me the money?
- Well, I don't knowJerry.
102
00:06:15,095 --> 00:06:18,338
Just, uh, give me overnight
to, you know, think about it.
103
00:06:18,398 --> 00:06:21,379
Oh,yeah. I'm beginning
to understand now.
104
00:06:21,434 --> 00:06:23,380
L-lt's a lot of money,
and, uh...
105
00:06:23,436 --> 00:06:26,883
you have to get, uh, permission, huh?
[Chuckles]
106
00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:29,045
- You mean- You mean, from Emily?
- Yeah.
107
00:06:29,109 --> 00:06:31,988
No, it's-it's my decisiomjerry.
I can do whatever I want.
108
00:06:32,045 --> 00:06:34,525
Sure you can.
Sure. Look, uh-
109
00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:36,583
Why don't you just, uh...
110
00:06:36,649 --> 00:06:40,654
take this picture along,
show the bike, you know, to Emily.
111
00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,792
Well, maybe I'll take the picture along.
I mean, it's still-
112
00:06:43,857 --> 00:06:47,236
it's still my decision.
Uh, I'll just, uh-
113
00:06:47,293 --> 00:06:50,604
I'll just take
the bike partjerry...
114
00:06:50,663 --> 00:06:53,405
and why don't you hold on
to Victoriajugman?
115
00:06:53,466 --> 00:06:55,412
Right.
116
00:07:06,779 --> 00:07:08,725
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Bob.
117
00:07:08,781 --> 00:07:11,455
You'rejust in time
for crepes chicken marengo.
118
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:14,089
Really?
119
00:07:14,154 --> 00:07:16,725
You know, I was smiling coming home,
just thinking to myself...
120
00:07:16,789 --> 00:07:20,100
“How long has it been since we've
had crepes chicken marengo?“
121
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,265
Bob, we've never had
crepes chicken marengo.
122
00:07:23,496 --> 00:07:25,942
- Maybe that's why I was smiling.
- [Laughs]
123
00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:28,502
What's the, uh-
the yellow glop?
124
00:07:28,568 --> 00:07:30,775
That's the marengo.
125
00:07:30,837 --> 00:07:33,078
- Well, where's the chicken?
- No, there's no chicken.
126
00:07:33,139 --> 00:07:36,279
You see, this recipe
calls for chicken soup.
127
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:39,186
Looks to me like
it's screaming for chicken.
128
00:07:39,245 --> 00:07:42,385
Bob, this is a budget recipe.
129
00:07:42,448 --> 00:07:45,452
How much could a chicken cost?
A buck and a half?
130
00:07:45,518 --> 00:07:49,432
You couldn't dance with a chicken
for a buck and a half.
131
00:07:49,489 --> 00:07:52,129
Bob, everything is so expensive.
lfwe're gonna redecorate...
132
00:07:52,192 --> 00:07:54,138
we've gotta start
cutting corners somewhere.
133
00:07:54,194 --> 00:07:58,006
Uh, Emily, how much do we
have in the savings account?
134
00:07:58,064 --> 00:08:03,138
Uh, we've got an armchair, uh, three quarters
of a sofa and a halfa hutch. Why?
135
00:08:03,203 --> 00:08:07,413
Uh, I was thinking about
lendingjerry$1,400.
136
00:08:07,473 --> 00:08:10,317
- What?
- For a- a motorcycle.
137
00:08:10,376 --> 00:08:12,253
$1,400?
138
00:08:12,312 --> 00:08:15,088
Well, that includes tax,
license and scarf.
139
00:08:17,383 --> 00:08:19,761
You think it's, uh,
stupid, don't you?
140
00:08:19,819 --> 00:08:22,322
Well, BobJerry is your friend,
and it's your decision.
141
00:08:22,388 --> 00:08:24,459
That's, uh-
That's what I told him.
142
00:08:24,524 --> 00:08:28,472
It doesn't matter that it's the dumbest thing
I ever heard. You do what you want.
143
00:08:28,528 --> 00:08:31,702
Well, it isn't a- It isn't
a bad-looking motorcycle.
144
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:36,180
It isn't a bad-looking thigh.
Whose is it?
145
00:08:36,236 --> 00:08:38,648
- Ido/ft/mow
- Look, Bob, it's entirely up to you.
146
00:08:38,705 --> 00:08:42,482
I mean, I know your feelings forjerry, and
friendship is more important than money, so-
147
00:08:42,542 --> 00:08:44,988
I mean, I don't care whether
you loan him the money or not.
148
00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:48,724
- I'm not gonna do it.
- Oh, thank God!
149
00:08:50,049 --> 00:08:52,620
You know why? I mean,
loaning money to a friend...
150
00:08:52,685 --> 00:08:55,063
is the surest way to
break up a friendship.
151
00:08:55,121 --> 00:08:58,500
It happened to me when I was a kid
with my best friend, Frankie Hassinger.
152
00:08:58,558 --> 00:09:01,471
I mean, everything
starts off great, you know...
153
00:09:01,527 --> 00:09:05,270
and then the one who borrows the money starts
to resent the guy he borrowed it from...
154
00:09:05,331 --> 00:09:07,971
- and before you know it, they're enemies.
- Well, makes sense to me.
155
00:09:08,034 --> 00:09:12,710
You know, it's- it's been years since
I thought about Frankie Hassinger.
156
00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:14,809
I don't even remember...
157
00:09:14,874 --> 00:09:16,854
how much money
I borrowed from him.
158
00:09:23,383 --> 00:09:25,329
And let me know
when the mail comes.
159
00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:28,457
I'm expecting my copy Of
Psychology Today today.
160
00:09:29,956 --> 00:09:33,870
No, Bob. You get your
Psychology Today tomorrow.
161
00:09:33,926 --> 00:09:36,873
You get your
Tomorrow? Health today.
162
00:09:36,929 --> 00:09:38,875
Andjerry
wants to see you.
163
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:42,743
Oh, yeah. We have to talk about something
privately. Have him come in, will you?
164
00:09:44,037 --> 00:09:46,540
Are you going to?
165
00:09:47,774 --> 00:09:51,085
- Am I going to what?
- Spring for the 14 big ones?
166
00:09:51,144 --> 00:09:53,886
You, uh- You know
about the motorcycle?
167
00:09:53,946 --> 00:09:56,358
Unjerryjust
mentioned it in passing.
168
00:09:56,416 --> 00:09:58,327
He only mentioned it
in his office.
169
00:09:58,384 --> 00:10:01,058
Yeah. And I happened
to be passing.
170
00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:06,027
I'm leaving.
171
00:10:07,393 --> 00:10:09,339
Morning, Bob.
172
00:10:11,264 --> 00:10:14,541
Well, what do you say?
I'll take cash, check or money order.
173
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,740
UhJerry, why don't we
talk about this privately?
174
00:10:17,804 --> 00:10:19,875
- Me?
- Yeah.
175
00:10:19,939 --> 00:10:22,545
Oh, uh, certainly.
I'll be outside if you need me.
176
00:10:22,608 --> 00:10:25,418
I know. Passing.
177
00:10:25,478 --> 00:10:28,891
- What do you think of the helmet?
- Dynamite.
178
00:10:28,948 --> 00:10:31,792
Well, Bob, are you gonna,
you know, give me the money?
179
00:10:31,851 --> 00:10:34,388
Well, uh,jerry, first of all,
I wanna tell you, I'm, uh-
180
00:10:34,454 --> 00:10:37,230
I'm only doing this because I, uh-
lvalue our friendship.
181
00:10:37,290 --> 00:10:39,236
- Yeah.
- It isn't the 1,400-
182
00:10:39,292 --> 00:10:42,205
$1,500, Bob. See, I went
to the top of the line on the helmet.
183
00:10:42,261 --> 00:10:45,333
This is the real thing.
It's a polyester resin shell...
184
00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:48,709
and expended
polyurethane foam lining.
185
00:10:48,768 --> 00:10:50,805
- Go ahead. Try it on.
- No.
186
00:10:50,870 --> 00:10:52,781
Come on, Bob.
Get in the spirit.
187
00:10:54,073 --> 00:10:56,280
Jerry, I don't want to
talk to you with the helmet.
188
00:10:56,342 --> 00:10:59,949
Bob, you're gonna be part owner
of this helmet. At least try it on.
189
00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:07,195
Hey, you look fantastic!
190
00:11:09,222 --> 00:11:11,259
- N-No, I don't.
- No, you really do, Bob.
191
00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:13,964
You're a natural.
Here, see for yourself.
192
00:11:18,097 --> 00:11:20,270
- I look silly,jerry.
- You don't, Bob-
193
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:23,405
You know, I never realized this before.
You look a lot like Steve McQueen.
194
00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:29,110
How about it, Bob? You gonna
let me have the dough?
195
00:11:29,175 --> 00:11:31,655
You know,jerry, when friends
lend money to friends...
196
00:11:31,711 --> 00:11:33,657
it always seems
to turn out-
197
00:11:33,713 --> 00:11:36,284
Bob,just a simple
“yes“ or “no?
198
00:11:38,151 --> 00:11:40,153
No.
199
00:11:41,654 --> 00:11:43,930
Uhz/T/er/Jé"
200
00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:46,800
I have a reason why
I came to this decision.
201
00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:49,100
I had this friend,
Frankie Hassinger.
202
00:11:49,162 --> 00:11:53,372
Jerry, in the long run,
I'm doing you a favor.
203
00:11:53,433 --> 00:11:56,471
Frankie Hassinger
never understood either.
204
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,878
Hi, Mr. Berry.
Oh, Bob.
205
00:12:02,942 --> 00:12:04,819
Bob, this is Mr, Berry,
your new patient.
206
00:12:04,877 --> 00:12:08,689
Uh, Mr. Berry,
this is Dr. Hartley.
207
00:12:25,164 --> 00:12:27,974
I mean, I- I just can't get over
the wayjerry acted.
208
00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:31,743
He was sulking around,
pouting like a spoiled brat.
209
00:12:34,273 --> 00:12:36,219
Ew-
210
00:12:37,276 --> 00:12:40,155
What is this?
I'm not gonna eat this.
211
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,385
Bob, you love
bread pudding.
212
00:12:43,449 --> 00:12:46,225
This isn't bread pudding.
It's dark brown.
213
00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:49,596
I just decided to make it
with pumpernickel this time.
214
00:12:50,890 --> 00:12:53,029
It didn't turn out
too good. Here, taste it.
215
00:12:53,092 --> 00:12:55,595
I don't like bread pudding.
I just make it 'cause you do.
216
00:12:55,661 --> 00:12:57,902
I appreciate it.
217
00:12:57,964 --> 00:13:01,411
Hey, Bob. You wanna hear
some good news?
218
00:13:01,467 --> 00:13:05,347
Jerrys gonna straighten
little Howie's teeth absolutely free.
219
00:13:05,404 --> 00:13:09,250
Oh, really? Uh, there aren't
any strings attached, are there?
220
00:13:09,308 --> 00:13:12,687
I don't think so.just the regular wires
and rubber bands.
221
00:13:15,681 --> 00:13:17,854
Howard, uh,you didn't
agree to lendjerry...
222
00:13:17,917 --> 00:13:19,897
$1,500 for
a motorcycle, did you?
223
00:13:19,952 --> 00:13:22,023
1,600.
224
00:13:22,088 --> 00:13:25,968
- Talk about inflation.
- Yeah, but that includes leather saddlebags.
225
00:13:26,025 --> 00:13:29,996
And I get to drive the motorcycle as much
as I want until the loan is paid off.
226
00:13:30,062 --> 00:13:32,941
- Doesn't that sound great?
- Have you givenjerry the money already?
227
00:13:32,999 --> 00:13:36,071
- Uh-huh.
- Then it sounds great.
228
00:13:36,135 --> 00:13:38,706
It's a once
in a lifetime opportunity.
229
00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:41,718
Just like buying
the Brooklyn Bridge, huh?
230
00:13:41,774 --> 00:13:44,015
Yeah, but the guy that
bought the Brooklyn Bridge...
231
00:13:44,076 --> 00:13:46,249
isn't getting
his teeth fixed.
232
00:13:46,312 --> 00:13:48,417
When is, uh,jerry gonna
pay you the money back?
233
00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:51,553
Oh, its gonna work out great.
He's gonna pay me a $100 every month.
234
00:13:51,617 --> 00:13:53,563
Yeah, if he can
come up with it.
235
00:13:53,619 --> 00:13:56,122
You know the deal?
It must be standard.
236
00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:58,464
Well, I hope
it works out.
237
00:13:58,524 --> 00:14:00,663
Yeah, it's gonna
be great.
238
00:14:00,726 --> 00:14:03,730
I can't wait to twist the accelerator
and let 'er rip. You know?
239
00:14:03,796 --> 00:14:08,836
[imitating Revving ] Therei am,
roaring down the Dan Ryan Expressway...
240
00:14:08,901 --> 00:14:11,245
wind whistling
through my tattoo.
241
00:14:12,705 --> 00:14:15,083
Your old lady behind you,
hanging on for clear life?
242
00:14:16,576 --> 00:14:18,749
That's exactly the feeling.
You know, huh?
243
00:14:18,811 --> 00:14:20,916
I've been there, pal.
244
00:14:22,114 --> 00:14:24,754
And I'm
his old lady.
245
00:14:24,817 --> 00:14:26,888
Well, I gotta meetjerry
in the showroom.
246
00:14:26,953 --> 00:14:28,955
Well, I hope it doesn't
backfire, Howard.
247
00:14:29,021 --> 00:14:32,525
Well, ifit does, we'll take it
right to the service department.
248
00:14:35,428 --> 00:14:37,374
I don't know how long
it's gonna take...
249
00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:39,808
but I guarantee you,
something's gonna hit the fan.
250
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:43,603
At least you and your old lady
won't be involved.
251
00:14:43,669 --> 00:14:47,549
No, maybe you won't. But Howard andjerry
are my best friends, and I'm a psychologist.
252
00:14:47,607 --> 00:14:50,952
When they start wanting to kill each other,
who is gonna wind up in the middle?
253
00:14:51,010 --> 00:14:53,286
Robert Hartley, Ph.D.
254
00:14:53,346 --> 00:14:55,383
Well, I'll just, uh...
255
00:14:55,448 --> 00:14:58,088
find two new friends
and a new line of work.
256
00:15:00,353 --> 00:15:02,856
The bread pudding business
looks wide open.
257
00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:13,868
All my life, I've let this sister of mine
get away with everything.
258
00:15:13,933 --> 00:15:16,243
Well, not anymore.
259
00:15:16,302 --> 00:15:18,248
Mrs. Loomis, when did you
first learn...
260
00:15:18,304 --> 00:15:20,841
that you and your sister were
interested in the same man?
261
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:23,785
Well, it was, um...
262
00:15:23,843 --> 00:15:29,418
last Sunday, a week, when I brought
Larry home to meet Mother.
263
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:34,226
Bernice was all over him...
264
00:15:34,286 --> 00:15:36,562
likea crow
on ajune bug.
265
00:15:39,659 --> 00:15:42,435
Well, I'm afraid
our time is up.
266
00:15:42,495 --> 00:15:45,567
Are you sure that Bernice
just wasn't being friendly to Larry?
267
00:15:45,631 --> 00:15:50,546
Friendly? She was promising things
she couldn't deliver.
268
00:15:51,971 --> 00:15:53,917
[Clears Throat]
269
00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:57,009
I Typing]
270
00:15:59,979 --> 00:16:02,220
Mrs. Loomis, I think we're
making real progress.
271
00:16:02,281 --> 00:16:04,454
I'll say so. This is only
our third session...
272
00:16:04,517 --> 00:16:07,930
and we're already dealing
with the basic urges.
273
00:16:10,289 --> 00:16:12,701
Oh, wow!
274
00:16:12,758 --> 00:16:15,466
That's what
I call a chopper!
275
00:16:15,528 --> 00:16:18,202
Oh» yippee!
276
00:16:18,264 --> 00:16:21,268
Well, Carol, here it is.
Take a look at it.
277
00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:23,677
Jerry, really, you could
have brought a snapshot.
278
00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:27,149
I'm not gonna leave this beauty down
on the street. I don't want it ripped off.
279
00:16:27,206 --> 00:16:30,483
Besides, a very good friend of mine
put out a lot money for this.
280
00:16:30,543 --> 00:16:34,582
Well, it's certainly one of the best-looking
choppers we've ever had on this floor.
281
00:16:34,647 --> 00:16:37,560
Yep, she's really a beaut.
She's fast, reliable.
282
00:16:37,616 --> 00:16:40,119
And she's always there
when you need it.
283
00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:42,166
Better than
some people I know.
284
00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:45,535
You know, Carol,
a thoughtjust struck me.
285
00:16:45,591 --> 00:16:48,435
Only a fool would endanger
a friendship by getting mad at a friend...
286
00:16:48,494 --> 00:16:51,338
because that friend had sense enough
not to loan money to a friend.
287
00:16:51,397 --> 00:16:54,003
I'll bet you can't say that
three times fast.
288
00:16:54,066 --> 00:16:57,707
Carol, the thoughtjust struck me that
the excuse of not loaning money to a friend...
289
00:16:57,770 --> 00:17:00,444
is one of the oldest
excuses for hiding cheapness.
290
00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:06,122
So we have a fool
and a tightwad.
291
00:17:06,178 --> 00:17:08,124
Do I hear it for
ajerk and skinflint?
292
00:17:08,180 --> 00:17:11,491
Well, if certain people are
willing to listen to reason...
293
00:17:11,550 --> 00:17:13,621
I'm willing to talk.
294
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:16,496
Certain people can always talk.
Talk is cheap.
295
00:17:18,157 --> 00:17:21,001
- Well, I've said all I have to say.
- Heard all I have to hear.
296
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:23,199
Ten-four, kids.
297
00:17:26,031 --> 00:17:29,069
- Hi, Carol.
- Hi, Howard.
298
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,615
And I'm not too thrilled
with the patronizing attitude...
299
00:17:31,670 --> 00:17:34,048
of a certain
receptionist either.
300
00:17:34,106 --> 00:17:36,985
All she did
was say hello to me.
301
00:17:37,042 --> 00:17:38,988
- Hi, Howard. Come on in.
- Oh, I can't.
302
00:17:39,044 --> 00:17:41,524
I'm having lunch withjer.
We're gonna talk cycles.
303
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:44,186
You know, it's kind of a kickoff
luncheon for our new friendship.
304
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,594
- I'll catch you some other time.
- Sure.
305
00:17:46,652 --> 00:17:49,394
- When you're not too busy.
- Maybe next month.
306
00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:52,334
- Uh, about little Howie's appointment. I thought-
- Please, Howard.
307
00:17:52,391 --> 00:17:55,770
Jerry saidjust bring Howie in.
Whatever he's doing, he'll drop it.
308
00:17:55,828 --> 00:17:58,104
No appointments necessary.
309
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:01,304
What a great guy! I never had
a friend like that before.
310
00:18:02,368 --> 00:18:04,712
We were friends.
311
00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:09,048
Oh, we still are, Bob, or I wouldn't askyou
the question I'm about to askyou.
312
00:18:09,108 --> 00:18:11,088
When I have this
motorcycle overnight...
313
00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:13,680
I wonder if I could
chain it toyour car?
314
00:18:15,114 --> 00:18:18,527
- Why can't you chain it to your car?
- My car's too small.
315
00:18:18,584 --> 00:18:20,689
If they took my motorcycle,
they'd steal my car.
316
00:18:20,753 --> 00:18:25,099
If it was chained to your car, they would just,
uh, tear off your bumper.
317
00:18:25,157 --> 00:18:27,228
Sounds like a good deal to me.
318
00:18:28,761 --> 00:18:31,332
Howard, I didn't wanna have anything
to do with the motorcycle.
319
00:18:31,397 --> 00:18:33,673
That's why I didn't lendjerry
the money in the first place.
320
00:18:33,732 --> 00:18:37,077
Yeah, but if I wanted to buy a motorcycle,
you'd lend me the money.
321
00:18:37,136 --> 00:18:39,582
Absolutely not.
322
00:18:40,773 --> 00:18:42,878
Boy, it takes something like this...
323
00:18:42,942 --> 00:18:44,888
to find out who your friends really are.
324
00:18:44,944 --> 00:18:47,925
- It sure does.
- Oh, yeah? Well,just forget it.
325
00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:50,586
I'll chain my motorcycle
to somebody else!
326
00:18:50,649 --> 00:18:54,620
Gee, that's too bad. I was looking forward
to losing my bumper.
327
00:18:54,687 --> 00:18:58,134
- Can you believe those guys? There's
no winning with them. - I know.
328
00:18:58,190 --> 00:19:01,194
- Oh, Bob. Can I askyou something?
- What?
329
00:19:01,260 --> 00:19:03,103
Could I borrow $3,000
till payday?
330
00:19:15,908 --> 00:19:18,218
[Crowd Cheering On TV]
331
00:19:18,277 --> 00:19:21,349
- Are you bored, Bob?
- No, Emily.
332
00:19:21,413 --> 00:19:24,451
You know I like to watch
sports on television.
333
00:19:24,516 --> 00:19:26,518
Even Celebrity Soccer?
334
00:19:28,754 --> 00:19:32,725
Yeah. I never knew the Three Stooges
were that coordinated.
335
00:19:32,791 --> 00:19:36,295
Nice kick, Moe.
336
00:19:36,362 --> 00:19:39,775
How come you didn't want
to go to the basketball game?
337
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:42,506
'Cause my seat's
right next tojerrys.
338
00:19:42,568 --> 00:19:44,639
Well, maybejerry
isn't going.
339
00:19:44,703 --> 00:19:47,741
Oh, I'm sure he's there.
I'm sure Howard's there.
340
00:19:47,806 --> 00:19:51,344
They've become such close friends,
they're probably sitting in the same seat.
341
00:19:51,410 --> 00:19:53,822
Well,you know, I'm glad you didn't
lendjerry the money.
342
00:19:53,879 --> 00:19:55,916
I mean, pretty soon,
we'll be able to redecorate.
343
00:19:55,981 --> 00:19:59,360
Yeah, we won't have any friends
to show it to though.
344
00:19:59,418 --> 00:20:02,627
- They all think I'm a cheapskate.
- Honey, I have an idea.
345
00:20:02,688 --> 00:20:05,999
Why don't we go out to dinner?
I thinkyou'll feel better.
346
00:20:06,058 --> 00:20:09,505
You think I'll feel better 'cause I'll be
able to loosen my purse strings, right?
347
00:20:09,561 --> 00:20:12,667
Oh, honey, don't snap at me.
I'm your friend.
348
00:20:12,731 --> 00:20:15,610
Yeah, you're right. I can't afford
to lose any more friends.
349
00:20:15,668 --> 00:20:18,012
- Have you got your wallet?
- Yeah, I got it.
350
00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:20,516
All I have to do
is dust off the cobwebs.
351
00:20:30,015 --> 00:20:32,655
[Vehicle Approaching
352
00:20:37,022 --> 00:20:39,127
Hi, Howard.
Sorry I'm late.
353
00:20:39,191 --> 00:20:42,661
Just three hours.
I'm having fun down here.
354
00:20:42,728 --> 00:20:44,730
You know what I found out
about this place?
355
00:20:44,797 --> 00:20:47,869
- See where it says 6'6“ clearance?
- Yeah.
356
00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:50,504
Well, actually
it's 6'5“.
357
00:20:50,569 --> 00:20:52,913
I measured it 67 times
with my comb.
358
00:20:52,972 --> 00:20:55,680
Look, I said I was sorry.
359
00:20:55,741 --> 00:20:58,881
That's okay. That's okay.
How was the race?
360
00:20:58,944 --> 00:21:00,890
- I got buried.
- Yeah.
361
00:21:00,946 --> 00:21:03,552
It sure looks like it.
362
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:06,789
Look, when you get a chance,
ride it through a car wash, will ya?
363
00:21:06,852 --> 00:21:08,923
- Yeah.
- And, uh, be careful going into fourth.
364
00:21:08,988 --> 00:21:10,990
I think I bent the linkage
on the 80th lap.
365
00:21:11,056 --> 00:21:14,629
- Sure. Sure. - Look, here's the
schedule for the rest of the month.
366
00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:16,934
You get half the days,
I get the other half.
367
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:20,910
- How come my days are during the week?
- They are not.
368
00:21:20,966 --> 00:21:23,845
Here, you got a Saturday, uh, there.
Right over there. A Saturday morning.
369
00:21:23,902 --> 00:21:26,610
And next month,
you get all the weekends.
370
00:21:26,672 --> 00:21:28,777
Yeah, but next month
I'm gonna be in Paris.
371
00:21:28,841 --> 00:21:31,685
C'est/a vie.
[Chuckles] I gotta be going.
372
00:21:31,744 --> 00:21:34,486
- Hold it! Hold it! Whoa. Whoa.
- What?
373
00:21:34,546 --> 00:21:37,789
- The helmet.
- Oh, yeah. You know, I've been thinking, Howard.
374
00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:40,228
You oughta
get your own helmet.
375
00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:42,287
Yeah, but the helmet
was part of the deal.
376
00:21:42,354 --> 00:21:44,766
It was, but I don't
wearyour socks.
377
00:21:44,823 --> 00:21:46,769
Besides,
you can afford it.
378
00:21:46,825 --> 00:21:49,533
Not if you don't
pay me my money, I can't.
379
00:21:49,595 --> 00:21:51,871
Oh, boy.
I was waitin' for that.
380
00:21:51,930 --> 00:21:54,001
Here it is.
Here's your check.
381
00:21:54,066 --> 00:21:56,546
Now I owe you
$1,500.
382
00:21:56,602 --> 00:21:58,878
- What's that $85?
- $85.
383
00:21:58,937 --> 00:22:00,883
I thought it was
supposed to be $100.
384
00:22:00,939 --> 00:22:02,941
Well, it's $15 off
for your half...
385
00:22:03,008 --> 00:22:04,988
of the monthly installment
on the insurance.
386
00:22:05,044 --> 00:22:07,991
- We're paying $30 a month for insurance?
- Howard...
387
00:22:08,047 --> 00:22:10,857
if you're gonna race a motorcycle,
you gotta insure it to the hilt.
388
00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:13,556
- Yeah, but I don't race.
- I can't help it if you're chicken.
389
00:22:13,619 --> 00:22:15,565
Now, will you
give me a ride home?
390
00:22:15,621 --> 00:22:18,602
Whoa! Wait a minute. You're not
getting in my car looking like that.
391
00:22:18,657 --> 00:22:21,797
- Huh?
- Here. Here's a quarter. Take a bus.
392
00:22:21,860 --> 00:22:24,306
Now you owe me
$1,500.25!
393
00:22:24,363 --> 00:22:28,072
You know, if we weren't such good friends,
I'd wrap those handlebars around your neck.
394
00:22:28,133 --> 00:22:30,511
Yeah, well, they're not your handlebars.
They're my handlebars.
395
00:22:30,569 --> 00:22:32,640
- This motorcycle is officially repossessed.
- Oh, yeah?
396
00:22:32,704 --> 00:22:34,741
How'd you like it if I repossessed
your son's retainers?
397
00:22:34,807 --> 00:22:37,515
- He could wind up like Dracula.
- I'm gonna take my son to your office...
398
00:22:37,576 --> 00:22:39,522
and have him take a bite
out of your throat.
399
00:22:39,578 --> 00:22:41,888
- Hi,fellas.
- Hi. Hi.
400
00:22:41,947 --> 00:22:43,949
Yeah, we were
just pretending...
401
00:22:44,016 --> 00:22:46,656
what it would be like
if we were angry at each other.
402
00:22:46,718 --> 00:22:49,198
If things weren't going
as well as they're going.
403
00:22:49,254 --> 00:22:51,200
Yeah.just telling
vampirejokes.
404
00:22:51,256 --> 00:22:53,930
Well, we, uh-
we'd better get to dinner.
405
00:22:53,992 --> 00:22:57,030
Uh, there seems to be a motorcycle
blocking our car.
406
00:22:57,096 --> 00:22:59,269
Yeah. I don't know who
owns the motorcycle today...
407
00:22:59,331 --> 00:23:02,107
- but whoever it is, would you mind moving it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
408
00:23:02,167 --> 00:23:04,147
No, I got it.
409
00:23:04,203 --> 00:23:07,184
Uh, why don't I take you two to dinner?
I'm buying.
410
00:23:07,239 --> 00:23:09,617
If the check
doesn't bounce!
411
00:23:09,675 --> 00:23:12,315
How'd you like it
if I bounced it off your head?
412
00:23:12,377 --> 00:23:14,653
I guess you're pretending
to be angry again, right?
413
00:23:14,713 --> 00:23:16,715
- [jar/y] That'; right.
- Well, it's very convincing.
414
00:23:16,782 --> 00:23:19,194
- Yeah, well, I'm not pretending.
- It he's not, I'm not.
415
00:23:19,251 --> 00:23:22,323
- Uh-huh.
- I suppose you're gonna say “I told you so,“ huh?
416
00:23:22,387 --> 00:23:25,891
Oh, no, no. Bob's not the kind of guy
who would say something like that.
417
00:23:25,958 --> 00:23:28,461
Yes, I am.
418
00:23:28,527 --> 00:23:30,666
I'll say it again.
I told you so.
419
00:23:30,729 --> 00:23:33,039
You know, when start putting
a price tag on friendship...
420
00:23:33,098 --> 00:23:35,044
you find out your friendships
aren't worth a nickel.
421
00:23:36,869 --> 00:23:39,645
That's beautiful, Bob.
Did you just think of that?
422
00:23:39,705 --> 00:23:43,016
No, Frankie Hassinger
said it to mejust before he...
423
00:23:44,309 --> 00:23:46,311
bit me
in the neck.
424
00:23:55,587 --> 00:23:57,533
[Honks]
425
00:24:05,297 --> 00:24:07,641
Good morning, Carol.
Who's my first appointment?
426
00:24:07,699 --> 00:24:10,111
Mrs. Loomis, Bob.
She's in your office.
427
00:24:10,169 --> 00:24:12,115
Oh, fine.
428
00:24:16,975 --> 00:24:18,921
Good morning.
429
00:24:20,045 --> 00:24:22,116
I thought you said
she was in the office.
430
00:24:22,181 --> 00:24:24,161
She was.
431
00:24:24,216 --> 00:24:27,789
Which one of you
is Dr. Hartley?
432
00:24:27,853 --> 00:24:31,198
Uh, Mrs. Loomis, don't-
don't you remember me?
433
00:24:31,256 --> 00:24:33,634
I am not Mrs. Loomis.
434
00:24:33,692 --> 00:24:36,639
I'm Bernice,
her sister.
435
00:24:36,695 --> 00:24:38,936
Oh, you're, uh-
y-you're twins.
436
00:24:38,997 --> 00:24:42,035
That's right. Only she
looks a lot older.
437
00:24:44,836 --> 00:24:48,079
She stole my boyfriend.
438
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:49,813
Now, take it easy, Bernice.
439
00:24:49,875 --> 00:24:53,652
Now, you just take it easy.
It's between her and me.
440
00:24:53,712 --> 00:24:57,990
I followed her here, sol know
she's got to be... here.
441
00:24:59,685 --> 00:25:02,757
Come out of there,
you little tramp!
442
00:25:37,956 --> 00:25:39,629
[ Mews]